Maybe I’m asking too much. The answer to that is this: you ask for what you need, when you need it, so “too much is relative.”
Perhaps I come from a position unknown to many. There are two facets to answer this. Since the death rate of human beings is hovering right around one hundred percent, I doubt many people in the world are traversing life without having lost a loved one. (note: totally stole that death rate of humans line from someone but can’t remember who)
Perhaps, my unique position is one of remembrance. I’m an, “anniversary,” person; an event person. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t spend every holiday with my face sobbing into my pillow, but I certainly feel a tugging on my heart around holidays, events or anniversaries they would have enjoyed. I’m not quiet about these and it hurts a lot when people, people who know me, go about their business as if it is a normal day. There’s an ocean of difference between love and care. It hurts the most when those who say they love us don’t seem to care.
Now that I think about it, I don’t think I’m unique at all in this. Now that I think about it, I can’t go through my Facebook, Twitter or G+ account without seeing at least one person remembering this day or that occasion would have been special for someone they love who no longer walks the face of the Earth.
Why do people do this? I’ve seen angry posts saying something like, “People need to post something positive or not at all; this isn’t a place for all your sad, negative thoughts.” Isn’t it? What would possess someone to put their, “sad, negative,” vulnerability out there. My guess: so they don’t feel so alone.
People who know me, I think would say, I’m pretty good at remembering their, “anniversaries,” as well. People who know me will also say I’m the antithesis of good with birthdays. This morning, I realized why. I know how special it is to me when someone goes out of their way on such a day. We always remember birthdays.
This is a terrible way to put it, but there is a glitz and glamor side to death. Someone dies and there are long lines for the viewing and packed pews at the funeral. We buy new clothes and have our hair and makeup done. We buy, make and bring food – LOTS OF FOOD. We give cards and hugs and knowing nods. Weeks go by and general wisdom says that moving on with life is the order of the day. Maybe that’s why we struggle so much. Maybe we need to stop trying to leave things in the past and bring them along. Maybe we need to help our friends and family do this.
Ok, wait a second. It’s Father’s Day weekend and I’m not suggesting we think of all our friends and family members who don’t have their fathers and call them up and tell them how hard of a time they must be having this weekend. We deal with keeping ourselves traversing in different ways. I’m also not suggesting that we wallow in grim, morbid misery for every holiday, birthday or anniversary. I’m simply asking humanity to think a little less of themselves and a little more about others.
This morning, I also thought about the types of people walking around this world. There are, “Me/I,” people and there are, “we.” people. “Me,” people make themselves happy first and pick up the collateral pieces later. “We,” people prevent the collateral damage because their default state is giving of themselves.
**Put soapbox away.**
You know your friends and family. You know who would appreciate your time. You know who needs it.