Are you mad at me? Should it matter to me?

As usual, it likely depends.

In the past few years, I found that I’m often worried if people are mad at me. I worry and worry and worry about it. Until the next time I see the person and they don’t seem mad (or they are acting like they aren’t mad) and then all that worrying was for nothing.  My rational mind says, “If they were mad at you and didn’t tell you, then it’s doesn’t matter – it’s their problem.” But the part of my mind spiraling with worry about this does not care, at all, about what my rational mind says.

I was watching a documentary recently and, in it, there were so very many powerful women. It got me to think about strong, powerful, and influential women. Rosa Parks. Marie Curie.  Margaret Thatcher. Dorothea Lange. Katharine Hepburn. Toni Morrison. Edith Wharton. Muriel Siebert. Joan Ganz Cooney. Hellen Keller. Julia Morgan. Harriet Tubman. Nellie Bly. Rachel Carson. Elizabeth Blackwell. Wilma Rudolph – and so many more. I began to wonder.  I wondered if these people spent as much time as I do worrying about if others were mad at them. Did they spend any time? I’m going to guess that’s a big fat NO! If they had spent – no, wasted as much time, they might not have accomplished all they did. They might not have accomplished anything.

How much do I paralyze myself because of fear? Fear of who is mad. Fear of who will get mad. Fear of who will be mad if I succeed. Fear of who will be mad if I fail.

Who cares anymore?

I’ve decided to not… care, anymore.

Sure I’ll still worry about it, but putting this out there – in this space and in this way – will help me to carry through the living of life that I can’t control the “mad” of others.

All that I can really do is try to move through life in a way I think is authentic and breathe in and out.

The thing to do is not to take yourself serious, otherwise, you’re finished. -Manolo Blahnik

I recently heard Joan Didion say something about how we listen to the very edge of what people are saying and never really let it sink in all the way. I think

I’d be interested to hear if resonates with anyone.

Share.

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One thought on “Are you mad at me? Should it matter to me?

  1. Definitely. Me. Fear is a big ole suck of time and energy. But I guess we have to feel it for a moment or two. And then move on and act.
    Curious to know what the documentary is…?
    As always, thanks for sharing!

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